After 30+ years in the trenches of leadership and countless fumbles along the way, I’ve learned that true influence often boils down to a simple question:
What feelings or emotions come to mind when you think of persuasion?
Trust me, your answer reveals more about your leadership impact than you might think.
Let’s break it down:
The Influence Dilemma (I’ve Been There)
1. The Reluctant Influencers
- Use words like “manipulation,” “pushing,” “convincing,” “forcing”
- Struggle with influence, results, confrontation, and organizational change
- Spoiler alert: This was me for longer than I’d like to admit
2. The Natural Influencers
- Embrace daily negotiation
- Study persuasion strategies
- Create change without hesitation, even in confrontation
- These are the leaders most of us aspire to be (and can become with practice)
Here’s the kicker, and it took me years to truly get this: Persuasion isn’t about pushing, conniving, forcing, convincing, or manipulating.
The Science Behind the Fear (You’re Not Alone)
Research from the Harvard Business Review reveals a paradox: many leaders fear being seen as pushy when advocating for their ideas. It’s called the “self-promotion dilemma,” and it’s as real as it gets. I’ve grappled with it many times.
The thing is that when you lack solid persuasion strategies, you often end up in a frustrating cycle. You either push too hard and come off as aggressive, or back down entirely, letting your brilliant ideas fade away. I’ve been on both ends, and neither feels good.
The Influence Equation (It’s Simpler Than You Think)
Influence = Clear Intention + Clear Communication
For years, I got this backward.
I thought persuasion as a blunt instrument I needed to use when my so called influencing tactics fell short.
Here’s the truth I’ve come to embrace:
Influence is the result of being intentional and clear with your message.
Your Powerful Action Plan:
Ready to boost your influence? (I work on this every day):
1. Notice the Nudge: Pay attention to moments when you feel the need to push.
2. Check Your Reaction: Do you feel uneasy? Retreat? Raise your voice? Is your confidence taking a hit? (I’ve done all of these!)
3. Clarify Your Message: Take a deep breath and trim the fat (verbal or written). Start by clarifying your message to yourself. If you can’t explain it simply in your own head, you haven’t nailed it down yet. Remember, clarity to yourself first, then to others.
4. Set Your Intention: Ask, “What’s my intention?” (I love this one.)
It takes practice, and I promise that your impact and influence will emerge when you clarify both your message and your intention.
5. Express Without Hesitation: State what you need clearly and confidently. (No need to apologize here.)
Next time you’re in a high-stakes situation, take a breath and ask yourself:
“Am I being clear, or am I just being loud?”
Your influence depends on it.
You’ve got this! 😉
