When it comes to understanding the way we humans communicate with each other, I am obsessed. What we say, what we don’t say, our words, gestures, phrases, facial expressions, pitch, breath — there are countless ways in which we share our thoughts with the world around us.
I am fascinated by the many languages we use, and I know that the more truthful we are with what we say, the more influential we become.
Here are two communication spotlights that are worthy of our attention:
- Saying “we” when you mean “I”
- Saying, “I didn’t have time”
Tips for Saying What You Mean
1. Saying “we” when you mean “I”
There is a place for “we.” One example is when “we” is used as a humble way of accepting praise for a team project. However, I have seen people use “we” to manipulate situations. For example; “how are we going to get this fixed,” said the boss who has no intentions of helping.
Another instance in which I see “we” misused is when a person makes a decision and somehow, with the use of “we”, the decision suddenly belongs to an entire group. “We decided to terminate the project,” said the boss who made the decision unilaterally.
Generally speaking, there are three main reasons we say “we” when we should say “I.”
- We are not willing to take extreme ownership of a hard decision.
- We want to bring others on board (even when we don’t have agreement or alignment.)
- We are not telling the whole truth. When this happens, there is a tendency to use “we” more often or even eliminate the use of first-person pronouns completely.
Try this:
- Check your intention. If your intention is to work alongside the other to find a solution, use “we.” If it’s not, consider where your participation ends and where delegation to the other begins.
- Own the power of your position. If you are in a position that affords you the right to make decisions for the group, own that.
- Practice courage. Courage is a muscle that needs to be exercised regularly. When you own your decisions, especially the hard ones, you work that muscle and begin to build a reputation for being forthcoming and bold.
2. Saying “I didn’t have the time”
Right now, at this very moment, there are hundreds of committed humans who are busier than you doing the thing you “don’t have time” for.
You have enough time, I have enough time. Not accepting this fact borders on irresponsibility and here is why.
Generally speaking, there are four main reasons we say “oh, I didn’t have the time”
- We overcommit and over-estimate our ability to deal with interruptions, and therefore, “we don’t have the time.”
- Our need to be liked drives us to say yes to please others (when we should be saying no), and therefore, “we don’t have the time.”
- We choose not to do something but we don’t have the courage to admit that, so we say “I didn’t have the time.”
- Our priorities are not clear
Try this
- Check your “to do” every single day and prioritize your tasks.
- Put ALL daily tasks in your calendar.
- Be honest with the time you assign for every task, including breaks and meal times. You will find out that there are tasks you will not be able to complete or that you can delegate or simply eliminate. Not because you “didn’t have the time” but because you chose other priorities.
- Evaluate your priorities weekly and make sure that every single task or meeting in your calendar is tied to a bigger project, aspiration, or goal.
Communication is key. Whether it be in the market, in the church, at the boardroom table, or the dinner table, we have countless opportunities to lead with our words.
Let’s be bold enough in every situation to elegantly raise our levels of communication and say exactly what we mean.
With love,
Mari Carmen
P.S. If you are ready to amplify your voice at work and in life, let us know! Email us at [email protected]. We have plenty of resources to help you elevate your leadership and maximize your influence so that you can become the go-to leader in your field.
