In 2017 I got on a Zoom call. I was attending a mastermind in my role as Success Coach for one of the largest coaching organizations in the country.
Everyone on the call was great. And there were a lot of spiritual coaches in one room, half of them with their heads in the clouds and feet barely touching the ground.
I expected pleasantries, some insightful conversation and was looking forward to a different kind of support.
What, or rather, who I was not expecting, was Vanessa.
I’ll never forget one call in particular. A woman named Rosalinda was in what coaches call “the hot seat.” She was sharing her struggles and everyone else was invited to listen and respond. Just before it was time for Vanessa to respond, Rosalinda paused and said, “I would hatebeing coached by Vanessa.”
There was an incredibly awkward silence in the room. Breath held.
I looked at Vanessa, who had the corner of her mouth turned up in an almost imperceptible smile and I thought, “Are you kidding me? I would love it.”
A few months later, after Vanessa and I had become dear friends and created a mastermind of our own, Vanessa called to let me know her contract with the company had ‘not been renewed.’
When I asked why, she laughed and said “They told me that my presence was too disruptive. Sometimes I forget that as a boat rocker, I can end up in the water.”
This is the exact reason I hired Vanessa to work with me inside Whole Leadership Systems.
Since the minute I met Vanessa, this is what she’s taught me:
- Sometimes you know that your life or career needs a huge overhaul.
- You’re crystal clear on why.
- You’re crystal clear on how.
- You’ve been unknowingly preparing for change for months.
- And you’ve spent your entire career developing the skills to execute successfully.
Vanessa taught me to spend the majority of my attention and effort preparing myself to face two crucial realities that make me feel scared (and still have me scared every time I meet them in my leadership journey.)
- Do the next thing that scares you
- Disappoint or piss people off
It’s likely that you have been spending the majority of your time avoiding these two realities.
Which is probably a huge part of why you don’t have more of what you want right now.
No matter how hard you work…
No matter how great you are at what you do…
No matter how much inner work you’ve done…
There are two components of growth that you can’t avoid and will meet over and over and over again.
No amount of hard work can have you avoid it.
No inner work can have you heal it.
At some point, and then over and over again, you will have to:
Do the next thing that scares you
and
Disappoint or piss people off.
These two companions will meet you at every next growth edge.
And every time you meet them, your mind will want to overcomplicate things and distract you with a different problem to convince you to put your attention anywhere else.
In leadership this looks like going to meetings that are a waste of time and absolutely do not require your presence, and convincing yourself that you’ll bow out after the next one.
It also looks like prioritizing being busy instead of slowing down to focus only on the work that is crucial to your role because you are uncomfortable delegating.
Or quietly working hard, without putting your own achievements forward, hoping to get noticed and rewarded.
This keeps you in incremental growth, never really getting ahead of it (because you’re always behind your worth and your truth).
Inner work can help make next steps clearer.
And prepare you to meet these challenges.
But the most impactful inner work happens AS you confront these two growth edges.
You will have to:
- Do the next thing that scares you and you
- Disappoint or piss someone off
And if you allow them instead of resist them, you can take the clear step you’ve been staring at and trying not to see for the last few weeks.
And you can love whoever you piss off in the process.
Because you’re going either way.
Hopefully they come, too.
But you’re no longer standing still to keep other people happy by keeping yourself small.
Can I get a “HELL YEAH!”
Please join me in welcoming Vanessa Broers to our team.
With love,
Mari Carmen
