Building a relationship with her was one of the toughest challenges of my career.
She was incredibly smart and dedicated, yet deep-rooted insecurities constantly held her back from being her best self.
It frustrated me.
Despite all my training and expertise in becoming an influential leader, I found it incredibly difficult to connect with her. Her insecurities were like walls that kept both of us from moving forward.
Then, I found out she was raped.
The world stopped. Everything changed.
In that moment, my perspective shifted entirely. It was as if a veil had been lifted, revealing the depth of pain and trauma that she carried with her every day.
Suddenly, all the labels and judgments I had placed on her seemed so incredibly cruel and unjust.
It’s truly embarrassing to admit that it took learning about her trauma for me to understand and empathize with her.
I didn’t need to know she was raped to be more empathetic. I should have been listening and seeking to understand her perspective from the start.
This experience taught me a powerful lesson: you never know what someone is going through, what battles they’re fighting, and how their past affects the way they show up at work.
We often use demeaning labels, not just for others but for ourselves, too. In her case, she would label herself very negatively, and I, unfortunately, did the same.
I invite you to stop. Just stop.
Instead of judging, listen.
Instead of assuming, seek to understand.
Instead of getting frustrated so darn fast, ask more questions.
Behind every insecurity is a reason.
Let’s be kinder, more compassionate, and more patient with each other. You never know how much your understanding and support can mean to someone who is struggling.
You can be an incredibly influential leader while creating an environment where empathy leads the way.
Here’s how I work on this:
- Listen without judgment: Truly hear what someone is saying without forming an opinion. (Suuuuuper hard to do btw!)
- Seek to understand: See if you can see the world from their perspective and understand their experiences (not yours).
- Be kind: Approach every interaction with kindness and a willingness to help.
- Be patient: Understand that everyone has their own pace and struggles.
- Avoid labels: Don’t define people by their insecurities or past mistakes. Labels kill productivity, self-esteem, and resiliency.
If this message resonates with you, take a moment today to reach out to someone in your life who you are struggling with. Offer them a listening ear and a kind heart.
With love, Mari Carmen
