It’s something many female leaders don’t want to confront in their personal lives, so it stands to reason they would never consider it a positive trait in the workplace. Furthermore, the media often portrays it as a weakness, or it’s used for comic relief. What is it? It’s vulnerability.
I decided to look up a few synonyms for the word ‘vulnerable’ to use in this blog. I saw the ones I was expecting: defenseless, exposed, unsafe, weak, unguarded, unprotected, etc., but Ialso found a few that got to the heart of what I want to talk about. Words like: accessible, ready, sensitive and tender.
Which set of words do you use to identify vulnerability? If you’re like most of my female clients, it’s the first set. Culturally, we simply don’t embrace the idea of vulnerability.
The prospect of vulnerability in the workplace as a positive trait has been gaining some traction in recent years. One of the prominent voices has been Dr. Robert Firestone, who has written such books as Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice and Beyond Death Anxiety.
“When we’re vulnerable, it simply means that we’re capable of pursuing our goals, wants, and intentions, and we’re able to deal with the consequences on a feeling level. And that includes a variety of feelings, some of which are frightening, some of which are very joyful and exciting – it’s a wide range of experience.” Firestone said in a 2012 interview with Psychology Today. “So we’re not trying to protect against feeling. What I’m saying is that you can afford to feel, and in a feeling state, you’re better able to effectively cope with your life.”
I have observed more business publications opening up to the idea of vulnerability in a work environment.
I love this quote from Angela Kambouris, CEO of her own consultancy firm, from an article she wrote for Entrepreneur.com in 2018:
“Vulnerability is a power tool in an emotionally intelligent leader’s toolkit. Courageous leaders leverage their ‘woundedness’ into genuine connections, innovation and learning. They embrace moments of vulnerability by acknowledging their current state, taking responsibility for their emotions and asking for help.”
There’s a word for hiding our vulnerabilities: overcompensation. Whether it’s on the tennis court or in the zoom room, I’m sure you can think of those times when people have gone completely overboard to hide their vulnerabilities.
I recently participated in a zoom meeting watching that person trying to put on a magic act to hide her vulnerabilities. It hurt to watch.
Doesn’t that sound exhausting and somewhat deceitful? What would have been the harm in saying, “I’m not as well-versed in this topic as I’d like to be. Is there somebody who could give me a hand or be the devil’s advocate during this discussion?”
For female leaders who are debating whether they should open up, Kambouris says: “When you open the door to understanding vulnerability you are taking the first step toward ownership of your emotions and creating environments for growth and learning. A leader acknowledging ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I was wrong’ fosters an environment of imperfection. The gifts are in a leader’s ability to put themselves on the line in a way that recognizes you don’t need to have all the answers, and together we can create a solution.”
We’re not machines and I hope we never will be. Our vulnerability is what makes us human, even at work, and that’s a good thing. Leadership requires various skills. Today we discussed vulnerability but there is also the art of persuasion and that’s why I created The Ultimate Persuasion Blueprint. This is a mini video-course that you can access and download HERE for FREE! In this mini-course, you will learn what to do before, during, and after a persuasive conversation to get more of what you want, now.
