Being on LinkedIn as my business grows has been an exciting journey. I know I’m not the only one constantly bombarded by requests, pitches, and offers from people looking to “connect” to sell me something.
It seems that my profile is “very interesting,” that I am “doing amazing things,” that “I’m crushing it,” that we also “have so many connections in common,” that I “need help generating leads,” “dealing with overwhelm,” “creating systems for my business” and on and on the list goes on.
Is it the same for you? I bet that you have also had to decline your fair share of them.
I conducted an informal data collection project for 28 days in September. The goal was to track how many direct messages I received on LinkedIn in a single workweek. I got an average of 26 new pitches per week, most of which I had to reject. In fact, just yesterday, I said “no” to 5 of the 6 pitches I received.
There are several ways we can decline these requests:
- Ignore it
- Simply say, “No, thank you” and move on
- Say, “No, thank you” and offer them constructive feedback
- Simply say, “No, thank you” and ask them not to bother you again (politely, of course)
- Say no and briefly explain why you are saying no
- If the pitch is exciting, but the timing is not; offer a different way to work together, or ask to connect in the future
The truth is that I use the first two responses more often than I’d like, and whenever I can, I do take the time to give feedback. Does it take time to do that? Yep. And it also helps improve my professional reputation and working relationships while helping me to stay loyal to my personal brand.
I’ve spoken with many colleagues who face the same conundrum. We all agree that while ignoring these unwanted offers or requests is the easiest and fastest course of action, it can create a feeling of frustration in the long run if overdone.
What happens is that the person wanting to “connect” will almost always follow up, just in case their request “got lost in your inbox.” Some will get the hint and give up after one or two ignored messages; however, that makes me (and those with whom I’ve ) feel unresponsive, unapproachable, or even rude.
Alternatively, I’d instead give a simple “no thanks.” I like this more than ignoring because I’m not leaving the other person wondering. But it’s not incredibly helpful. Without feedback, this person may keep making the same mistakes instead of adjusting their strategy.
If you are curious about how to reject in a way that’s poised, kind, and possibly helpful, here are my tips to elegantly say no — and possibly even benefit your personal brand in the end.
Be super honest. Sometimes there’s a legitimate reason that you need to turn down a request — you don’t have time or room on your schedule; it conflicts with your company’s policies, etc. If that’s the case, let the other person know.
Sometimes, the only reason you have to say no is that you simply don’t find the offer appealing. Making up an excuse, especially if that person has taken the time to research you, might seem like a polite path, but honesty is usually the best policy.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Your offer is not of interest to me or my team” or “We don’t use this type of service, thank you.”
Try to suggest an alternative solution. Every once in a while, the offer is the fair, and while it may not be a good fit for me, it might be a good fit for my colleague. This doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I’ll say so and let the person know I plan to add them to my contact list. That way, I can introduce them to a friend or colleague that might benefit from the connection. And besides, they might be able to help me out in the future.
Let the person know you are not a good fit. One of the most common requests I get is for collaboration. If you are a business leader who is active on social media, you probably have been approached to collaborate. That is, to participate in a summit, a podcast, or talk about a product, service, or concept for free.
“Hi, Mari! I am so impressed by your profile. I represent ABC product/service. We determined you are a great fit to talk about our brand new service/participate in our survey/summit, etc. Your participation will expose you to more than 100,000 prospects. We have images and sample copy ready for you. We need a commitment by the end of the week. Let me know if you are free tomorrow for a call to discuss further.”
This one makes me cringe when it’s not a good fit. And it is usually not.
Ignoring requests like the one above makes me feel icky. Making this type of request is someone’s job! If you relate, I invite you to consider creating “response templates” that can be customized to fit the situation. These will help you feel better and save time.
Here are two of my “go to” templates. (Feel free to use them in your responses, to personalize them or to share them!)
“Not a good fit” sample response:
“Hi, [first name], thank you so much for your interest in pursuing collaboration opportunities with me. It means a lot.
I want to be honest. My policy is to focus on and invest my time in activities that maximize both your and my potential. My team looked at your social media profiles and determined I am not the best fit for a collaboration at this moment. This may change in the future, and for now, I am going to decline. I do wish you a ton of success in your search.
Keep raising the bar!
With love,
Mari Carmen”
I don’t want to accept their request, and I want them to know why:
“Hi [firstname], thanks for the connection request.
Please know that I am not interested and I don’t want to ignore you either, because it’s not personal.My policy is to keep my network to people I already know or want to get to know better and possibly collaborate with in the future. I do this so that my profile is meaningful to prospective clients/partners/investors who might need a recommendation or a connection to people in my network.
This is my personal way of using LinkedIn. I realize that not everyone uses LinkedIn this way; however, it works for me as a business leader.
I’m grateful for the connection request. If there was something specific you wanted to consult me on, let’s schedule a 15-minute video call. You can contact my Concierge team via email at [email protected] (remember, please be specific in your request.)
Keep raising the bar!
Mari Carmen”
These two are extended versions, and both give me room to adjust every time I use them. It gets the point across. Requests for connection or collaboration are a business deal and should be treated as such. Especially when rejecting.
Stay professional.
Be honest, real, and transparent.
Don’t burn bridges.
Set boundaries.
Value them and value yourself.
What’s your preferred approach for rejecting professional requests and offers? I’d love to hear from you.
With love,
Mari Carmen
