The ability to persuade and negotiate effectively can be a game-changer.
Whether you’re leading a team, closing a business deal, or simply navigating daily interactions, honing your persuasion skills can significantly impact your personal and professional life.
Inspired by the principles I learned at Harvard’s renowned Program on Negotiation, I share here a summary of what I have been practicing for the past two years (and am still working to master).
The Core Principles of Effective Persuasion
Engaged Listening:
One of persuasion’s foundational and most complex elements is engaged listening.
This means you have to fully engage with the speaker, especially if you don’t agree or if you think that what they are saying is bull.
When you show genuine interest in others’ viewpoints, you build trust.
For example:
In a team meeting, instead of immediately pushing my agenda (which is so hard for me not to do), I know to take the time to listen to my colleagues’ ideas and concerns. Then, I summarize their points to show understanding. (And many times I hear something I didn’t know about.)
How to Do It:
You can say, “So what you’re saying is…” and then repeat back what they just told you in your own words. This shows you’re paying attention and helps clarify any misunderstandings.
Plus, people love to feel heard—it’s like a free ego boost!
Building Relationships:
People are more likely to be influenced by those they trust and respect. Please do not ignore this.
Trying to persuade a colleague you have bad mouthed in the past will not work, so do not be surprised when they ignore you.
Instead, invest time in building and maintaining relationships as this will pay off significantly in negotiation scenarios.
For example:
When negotiating resources for a new project with a peer, take the time to learn about their department, their challenges, and their goals.
Yes, it will take you 20 to 30 minutes to do this. However, this approach will help you define a collaboration that meets both of your needs and also strengthens your professional relationship.
How to Do It:
Next time you chat with a peer (especially one you don’t favor), skip the small talk about the weather and ask them something more meaningful.
Ask, “What’s the biggest challenge your department is facing right now?”
Then listen (remember, engaged listening!) and show genuine interest. Magic happens every single time I use this approach; it’s amazing how far a little real conversation can go.
Clear and Concise Communication:
Avoid jargon and complex language when sharing your ideas or proposals.
It will confuse your audience.
If you feel the urge to get ‘word fancy’ ask yourself: “What’s my intention?” and proceed accordingly.
For example:
When presenting a new strategy to your team, start with one clear and concise statement of the main goal. Use simple language and concrete examples, making it easy for everyone to understand and buy into the vision (which is your ultimate goal).
How to Do It:
What would you say if you were explaining it to a friend who has no idea about your industry? Same. Keep it simple.
Say something like, “Our goal is to improve our efficiency by 30%. Here’s how we’re going to do it…” Then, break it down step by step. If you see blank stares, you’re still being too complicated. Keep simplifying until you get nods and “Aha”s instead.
Persuasion is sacred.
Persuasion has nothing to do with slick-talking or manipulating people. Persuasion’s foundation is connection.
So, take these tips (engaged listening, building strong relationships, and communicating clearly), practice them out in the most mundane situations, and watch as your ability to influence grows.
You’ve got this!
With love,
Mari Carmen
