When it comes to communication, I am all for super direct and to-the-point. Language matters and the words we use have an impact on how effective, or ineffective, we are when speaking and leading others.
That takes me to filler words.
You know, that “um,” “so,” “actually,” or “well” that we hate so much. I’ve been committed to avoiding these useless words at all cost. I believed them to communicate a lack of certainty and a disempowering message. But I recently learned that there’s actually a strategic way to put these words to good use! And if you use them intentionally, your message might end up being reinforced rather than diminished.
Filler Words: An Unlikely Tool for Effective Communication
Allison Shapira, a professor of communication at Harvard, expands on three instances in which the strategic use of those pesky filler words can be warranted.
Strategy 1: Use filler words to give delicate feedback.
Filler words are helpful when you need to give delicate feedback, or you know you need to aim for a diplomatic approach. In these scenarios, you can strategically use a filler word like “simply” or “just” so that your message comes across softly and is received in a gentler way.
Strategy 2: Filler words help when you must claim your space.
In a scenario where people talk over each other or routinely interrupt each other, consider using a filler word as a strategic placeholder for claiming your space.
For example, if you are in a heated conversation where others interrupt you, a confidently articulated “so” can put a hold on those interruptions as you move on to your next thought.
Strategy 3: Filler words help when you need to interrupt someone.
In this scenario, you can consider using “so” or “well” strategically to break into a conversation that has turned into a monologue. (Think about the coworker who’s rambling on with filler words, lol!)
Note: There is one catch when you use this strategy. Make sure you are not cutting your teammate off in mid-sentence. Wait until they take a break to breathe.
Most of us think filler words such as “um,” “so,” “you know,” and “like” are little critters that creep in to diminish the power of our message, lessen our credibility, or sound juvenile. And it’s true! Imagine presenting the results of the quarter to your board of directors and using “um,” “so,” “you know,” and “like” in between every sentence. There’s no question that your message will be undermined.
It’s no wonder we all try to avoid them. However, if used strategically and with care, filler words can be surprisingly constructive and offer yet another helpful tool for more elegant and successful communication.
So…what are your favorite fillers? We’d love to hear from you.
With love,
Mari Carmen
