Do you ever wonder what’s holding you back during virtual meetings or why you aren’t being more persuasive? This new 100% virtual environment can be confusing, tough to navigate, and exhausting.
The biggest set back for me was the belief that I would not be able to create the same level of connection as I could in an in person-environment. And that fear almost got in the way of me delivering a powerful “virtual” message. Thoughts such as “do I wear makeup?”, “how about lighting?”, “it’s easy for men, they always look good!”, and “will I come across credible or too aggressive?” I almost held myself back.
One of my mentors reminded me that it was fear that was getting in my way. NOT these new virtual circumstances. I’ve noticed that my clients are experiencing similar fears and it pains me to see smart and dedicated women being held back from sharing their message.
But how assertive can we be, as women, in a virtual environment? Is there really a double standard that is keeping us small?
According to research, there’s a profound double-standard how an assertive woman is treated over an assertive man, especially virtually. Assertive men continue to be seen as strong, yet assertive women come across demanding. In the case of men, the passive man is weak while the passive woman is more pleasant to be around.
So, I wonder if others are not going to like us, no matter what, why not ditch the fear, step up, and be more assertive?
Here are some tips for shrugging off those that don’t get you, dealing with your internal struggles and expressing your assertiveness effectively:
- Find the Common Ground – People will find it much more difficult to label you overly-aggressive if you always lead with where you agree, not where you differ. When you concur with someone, it builds a bridge and that bridge makes it easier to cross when disagreements arise. When there is a difference of opinion, always hear them out and acknowledge their position while stating yours, regardless of gender.
- Be Fair and Authentic – Are you the most tactful person? Could your diplomacy skills use some work? Are you putting up a front to show how strong you are? Drop the act. Figure out how to make your personality work in your situation. Train yourself to know when to step up and knock it out of the park, and to be aware when it’s time to let someone else’s skill set shine.
- Give Yourself Some Credit – Maybe you never get to the point that you can be called assertive because you back down early in the process. Examine your inner dialogue when that happens. What messages are you sending yourself? If you can quiet those inner, doubting voices, you can focus on what’s happening at the moment and be more confident when you do have something valuable to contribute.
- Be Nice, But Don’t Be a Doormat – This should go without saying, but if you’re working hard to make sure everybody likes you and fear what will happen if they don’t, maybe it’s time to take a boxing class or an improv class. If you can practice being assertive in other environments, you can take that muscle memory back to the office.
- You Can’t Win Them All, But You Can’t Win If You Don’t Try – The truth of the matter is that there are just going to be some people or some groups who have their own biases, problems, or are just having a bad day. There are going to be people you don’t click with, who don’t click with you or have something else going on in their lives that they take out at the office. Don’t allow the haters to bring you down. It’s their bad day, not yours.
There are plenty of valid reasons for taking a step back when it comes to asserting your opinions, such as personal safety or legitimate job security, but there are far more imaginary ones that live in our heads and have little basis in reality.
If you need guidance to work through your persuasion skills so that you can confidently share your message without fear, consider investing in a coach or find a mentor who can give you strategies that work. If you are curious about working with me, let’s have a conversation. Contact me to schedule a complimentary consultation.
