Complaining is like gossip – a little bit of it is inevitable, but when it becomes the norm, it becomes destructive,negatively affecting your mood, your health, and your relationships with everyone around you.
In this article, I share 4 Tips to Limit Negativity for the Can’t-Help-Yourself-Complainers.
“Research shows that exposure to 30 minutes or more of negativity…actually peels away neurons in the brain’s hippocampus. That’s the part of your brain you need for problem-solving.” *
Complaining and negativity are cousins who feed off each other. So, as the saying goes, “If you can’t make it right, stop complaining about it.” But some of us just can’t help ourselves!
Recognize any of these Complainers?
Below are a few ‘personalities’ that you may have some experience with. If any of them seem a little too familiar to you, then read on to find out how to avoid being in their company and unwittingly adopting their habits.
Superior Sara: While Sara waits at the supermarket checkout line, she talks to other customers about how slow and incompetent the cashier is. She stands taller as a sense of superiority overcomes her. Sara is just a victim of her circumstances; there’s not much she can do unless she reports the cashier to the store manager (which she probably won’t). So she does what she does best; complains. Is that helping her or those around her? What do Superior Sara’s complaints accomplish?
Frustrated Tony: Chat with Tony and you get a dose of Monday morning news about everything that’s wrong with the world: government, media, society, his spouse, his neighbor, traffic, the weather, his bonus, you name it. He’s always disgusted and can’t wait to unload all of life’s tribulations on you. You’ve probably come to dread the depressing, unconstructive environment he creates by dwelling on the flaws of others. Does this turn you off? Does being with Tony drag you down?
“It’s-the-other-guy” Johnny: Complaining about someone can sometimes bring people together as they bond over a common “enemy”: a boss, teacher or relative. However, when complaining becomes Johnny’s daily mode of operation, his behavior backfires. While he may feel that he’s doing something positive by bringing people together, the truth is that his negativity is turning everyone off, and he’s completely losing his audience. Would he lose you?
Judgmental Jenny: Jenny spends her time judging situations and blaming everyone around her for every minor error, misfortune, accident or mistake she can find (even those mistakes caused by her.) She doesn’t view herself as a complainer at all, nor does she see anything wrong with her actions. In her mind, she’s the fair judge who’s going to solve the world’s problems by finding the culprits. Does she contribute to anything positive to her environment?
Take a closer look at yourself and those around you. I mean a brave and honest look. If you or someone you love can identify with one of the characters above, read on.
4 Ideas to shift from a Can’t-Help-Yourself Complainer to being a Proactive Contributor
If you see yourself as a complainer, aim to identify the real reason you complain to others. Does it make you feel superior? Entitled? Justified? Now, ask yourself if there are better, more constructive ways you can satisfy your needs? Think about what you’re trying to achieve. Then…
#1. Cool off.
Consider how your complaints impact those around you. Does complaining help others in any way? Are your complaints constructive? Do you make the world a better place by complaining? If you answer NO to any of the above, keep those pesky complaints to yourself.
#2. Reset
Before you speak, think about something positive. Did you have an unexpectedly pleasant experience with a sales clerk? Mailman? Your child’s teacher? Finding a positive thought resets your brain into a problem-solving mode.
#3. Take action.
Think about ways you can fix the problem instead of complaining about it. Your friends, family, co-workers, teammates, etc., will undoubtedly appreciate your solution and recognize you as a problem-solver and a leader.
#4. Immerse yourself in gratitude.
Gratitude is Complaint’s smiling sister. She offers us ways to embrace a life filled with good things by encouraging us to notice what we are thankful for each day. Ask yourself: What good things have happened to you? Who do you owe a favor? In what environment have you felt comfortable or welcomed?
Those are just a few ways to combat being someone who complains a lot. If you follow these tips, you will be on your way to a happier, healthier life; one where friends seek you out, and people, in general, want to be in your presence and follow your lead.
If you need some help breaking out of the cycle of negativity or complaining, consider investing in a coach or find a mentor who can give you a new perspective. If you are curious about working with me let’s have a conversation. Contact us to schedule a complimentary consultation at http://maricarmenpizarro.com/contact-mari-carmen/
* “Complaining is bad for your brain,” Conflict to Peace in Relationships, Sharon Gibson
