It’s a fact that gender politics still plays a prominent role in the workplace. As things theoretically start to even-out and women take on more important roles at the top of the executive food chain, I can’t help but notice that a certain amount of these politics – and stereotypes – that remain are being foisted upon the women by ourselves; the women.
It’s not exactly hard to understand why. In 2014, the average age of the 24 female CEOs in the Fortune 500 was 56. That means the average CEO was born in 1958, a year that saw only 35% of eligible women participating in the workplace in any capacity. That means that 2 out of 3 future CEOs were likely raised by women who taught them more about being “lady-like” than what the working world was all about.
I share these statistics because I believe they speak to one of the biggest disparities in the workplace: the negotiation skills between men and women. It’s so ingrained in women from birth to create equity in relationships that many female executives have told me they would rather stay under the radar and avoid making too much noise than negotiate for themselves. You can’t tell me that’s not a little bit a result of our upbringing. I’ve been there myself.
As women, we seem to be ingrained with two strikes against being an effective negotiator. First, most of us view negotiation outcomes as having to be win-win. Sometimes, in fighting for what we want, we feel that we’re “taking away” something from the other party. Second, the act of being a strong negotiator simply feels wrong. It’s a violation of the social contract we’ve been raised with and living out our entire lives. We see “negotiation” as the word that most often comes after “hostage” and we feel like the one being held captive.
Becoming better negotiators needs to start happening TODAY (Guys, listen up, there are some golden nuggets here for you as well)
Sorry, sisters. The reality is, if we’re going to make strides as executives and have more than two dozen women out of 500 serving as CEOs, we’ve got to polish our negotiation skills. Here are some tips to up your game:
Use those natural skills you already have to negotiate. Most agree that women are more empathetic and listen to others’ needs better than men. These are crucial skills and why many women feel more comfortable negotiating on behalf of others than themselves. Use those skills to get what you feel you deserve.
Don’t be a poser when it comes to your demeanor. All of us have the ability to be assertive, and must be in negotiations, but that doesn’t mean to be aggressive if it’s not your personality type. If you think about others before yourself, negotiate while explaining what you want is good for your team or the company. Be a focused version of yourself, not what you imagine a tough-as-nails male negotiator acts like.
Be quiet at the right time. The most powerful negotiation tool is silence. Mediation expert Victoria Pynchon told NPR, “When you’re uncomfortable, you talk. That’s when phrases like ‘I’m sorry, but…’ or ‘if it’s OK with you’ start to spill out,” she said. Before you know it, you’re talking about a completely unrelated topic because silence is uncomfortable, but the best thing to do is state what you want and wait for the decision maker to talk. It’s like the old sales saying goes, “The first person to talk after a pitch loses.”
Demand equality in your pay as your first negotiation act. According to Forbes, 31% of women are uncomfortable negotiating their salary and even more for a raise. This is one of the many reasons the wage gap still exists. While a company should instinctively not have a gap, being a better negotiator can make more than a $1 million difference in lifetime earnings.
Remember, YOU are changing the game. If we’re going to create a level playing field for women in negotiations by the time our daughters and granddaughters are taking executive jobs, we need to position them for success. We need to up our game office by office, boardroom by boardroom until all things are equal.
If YOU are ready to work toward higher balanced performance and want some expert guidance, let’s have a conversation. When you are ready, contact me to schedule a complimentary consultation at http://maricarmenpizarro.com/contact-mari-carmen/
