What does it really mean when someone calls you the “B” word?
Are they saying you are mean or nasty? Are they saying you don’t care about the feelings of others? Or that you are a control freak, manipulative or even a bad person?
In my experience it’s none of the above. What they are generally trying to say is that you are in a position of power, that you know what you want and won’t settle or that you exude a level of confidence they can’t even begin to understand. Instead of backing off and apologizing for being a strong woman, own it gracefully.
If you’re a powerful woman who has been called the B word, you probably recognize that it comes from other women far more than men – at least to our faces. Ladies, we have a long history of not supporting each other in the workplace and this needs to stop. As the old saying goes, “A rising tide raises all ships.” What if instead of coming up with a derogatory label to ease our discomfort, we celebrated them? All of them.
“Just because I have my standards, they think I’m a bitch.” – Diana Ross
There is nothing wrong with demanding your team’s output reach a certain level and taking measures if it does not. Actually, if you are in a leadership role it’s your job to demand nothing but excellence.
The most successful women I know set rigid standards not only for themselves, but for their teams, their brand and their products or services. People may call them the B word for being bold and decisive. And they don’t care.
The best thing that you can do to both ensure continued success and maintain your high standards is to be yourself. Statistics show there is no measurable difference between those labeled “nice girls” or those called the “B” word when the time to get a promotion comes. Both groups; the nice ones and the “B” ones might be overlooked and sometimes they don’t get the same rate of pay than men, but those are issues for another blog.
If you’re a nice person who is friendly and asks about her team’s feelings, go ahead and be true to yourself. If you don’t know how to engage in small talk, don’t pretend. The effective female executive is the one who is genuinely being herself.
What can you do to stay firm when it comes to your standards while staying genuine to who you are? Here are a few tips, and if somebody calls you the “B” word, maybe you’re doing something right:
Don’t Downplay Your Accomplishments – When you have a win, don’t make excuses or move on with the next task, acting like it didn’t happen. When it’s appropriate, let people know what got you to where you are. And if they praise you don’t hide or shine the light on others, if it’s your win you graciously say “Thank You.” Period.
The Silent Ones Don’t Get Ahead – Odds are, you didn’t get to where you are by being silent. Good things don’t always come to those who silently wait. When you see what you want, go for it, and own the fact it’s what you want. If there’s a promotion or project you want to get in on, let the right people know.
Communicate Directly – Resist urges to soften your message for fear of sounding like a “B.” You may feel like you need to soften your message to be liked. The result is that your directives come across more as a suggestion, rather than instructions.
For example I hear this way too often; “Mari, it’d be great if you could talk to someone in Legal to get input for your this new policy,” which to me implies that it’s simply something I could choose to do, rather than something I am being directly asked to do.
Instead, try: “Mari, make sure you collaborate with someone in Legal and incorporate their feedback into the new policy.” Shifting a couple words makes a big difference in how your directive is received.
Communicate Directly, cont. – Don’t Apologize! I know, this is part of clearly communicating what you need and it needed its own section. Don’t Apologize! Do not say you are sorry for being firm. You probably are not really sorry so don’t say it. Instead practice making your requests timely and your expectations clearly known.
Face Reality – If you’re devoting 60 hours per week to your job, you’re going to miss out on things at home. The same thing happens with men. The proverbial “life in balance” dilemma must be re-evaluated, so you’ve got to – unapologetically – decide what your priorities are and live them genuinely.
If you find yourself in a leadership role and you’re ready to step up boldly and powerfully, I’m prepared to listen. Contact me to schedule a conversation that could change the way you’ve been leading others here: http://maricarmenpizarro.com/contact-mari-carmen/
