Martin Luther King famously proclaimed ‘I have a dream,’ not ‘I have an issue.’ – Van Jones
Mindset is a super cool idea. It was discovered by Carol Dweck, a world-renowned researcher from Stanford University. After decades of research on the ins and outs of exceptional achievement, she busted the myth that talent and IQ alone can create success. Not that talent or IQ don’t matter; both do, but her idea is that dedication, hard work, and resiliency are essential to attain significant accomplishments.
However, what happens when our mind is set to sabotage that success?
One of the challenges with mindset is that our beliefs drive it. Moreover, sometimes our beliefs are imaginary stories we tell ourselves. I used to be a master at creating horror stories in my head. Thankfully I have learned to identify that whenever I feel stuck, overwhelmed, or just fed up there is a chance that sucky mindsets are running the show.
Here I share the six most common mindsets that will kill your chances at success: 1. Labels of Self-Destruction and Resignation
People assume they can never change, so they create labels to protect themselves, they go like this: “I’m not good with technology,” “I’m not creative,” “I’m disorganized,” “Sales is not my thing.” Those are then followed by resignation labels, ”It’s who I am,” “it’s in my nature.” Ouch! That hurts.
As an alternative, rather than using negative labels on yourself, look for “inconsistencies” in your behavior. That means look for when you are NOT like that. “I am organized when cooking, but it’s hard to keep my office that way .” This simple syntax change will help you address the behavior and prevent it from becoming your mindset.
2. Forecasting a Gloomy Future
Nothing will get better; nothing will change, why bother? These phrases leave you feeling hopeless and uninspired. I call this future-casting.
A way to tackle this is by taking a look at your past experiences and identifying times when things did change, when you completed what you set out to, or when you felt happier. Challenge your predictions and look for evidence to prove them wrong. Pay attention to those things you do well; even the small things count. Please take a few minutes every day to write them down. I do a “what went well today” inventory almost every night. You will be surprised at all the things that are working well already — if you only noticed.
3. The Always/Never Approach
“I’m never going to get that promotion,” “People always take advantage of me,” “My partner never shows affection,” “I always mess up.” Whenever you catch yourself using the words “always” and “never,” assume you are wrong. Test your mindset by looking at the real facts. I find that most of the time facts aren’t as terrible as we make them seem to be.
4. Mind-Reading
Mind-reading is common when there are business partners or teams involved. I’ve done this mind-reading trick so many times in the past that it’s easy for me to recognize it.
We interpret other people’s motivations as negative or selfish on the basis of very little or no evidence: “My partner doesn’t really care how I feel,” “My teammates are upset and are trying to get back at me,” “My boss never gives me the cool assignments–he doesn’t like me.”
When you catch yourself mind-reading, ask for clarification. Ask your partner what she meant or how she is feeling. Sometimes it’s beneficial to give the other the benefit of the doubt: “She may be rushed right now ” is a better interpretation than “She just doesn’t care about how I feel.”
5. Rules, Shoulds, and Expectations to Live By
You have a list of “Rules, Shoulds, and Expectations to Live By” and condemn yourself when you’re not in compliance. It’s exhausting, and typically there is no end to these disturbing thoughts. “At my age, I should be at a different level in my career,” “I should not be the one that has to change,” “My spouse should accept who I am, just the way I am.”
Be honest. Are these “shoulds” helping or hurting you? Chances are that if you have a long list of “shoulds,” you are not a happy camper.
Rather than “At my age, I should have a higher paying job,” try using action statements such as “What else can I do to bring more money?” or “How can I make my relationships better?” You will not see much progress by “shoulding” yourself to death. Progress begins to happen when we start acting differently and taking baby steps towards change.
6. The Desire for Perfectionism
High achievers tend to create a standard for themselves and others that is unrealistic. The problem with seeking perfection is that most of the time you are bound to disappoint yourself. Life is not perfect. No relationship is perfect — and those things don’t need to be perfect; that would be so boring!
Help others recognize how depressing striving for perfection can be. If the perfection seeker is you, release the need to be perfect and expecting others to follow suit. It will be a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.
Stop sabotaging yourself and those close to you by reviewing the six mindset killers above and take action steps to stop them dead in their tracks when they start entering your thoughts. There’s no time like the present to implement new ways of thinking and thereby shifting your mindset that was once driven by negativity into a mindset promoting curiosity, creativity and, especially, opportunity. Having a healthier mindset is a game changer in all areas of life.
Do you have mindsets that are interfering with your own success? If you are ready, contact me to schedule a conversation that could change your thought life at http://maricarmenpizarro.com/contact-mari-carmen/
