There are a lot of phrases in life that are almost the same, but you know there’s a difference in their meaning, even if it’s hard to describe. For instance, when the weather report says “Mostly Sunny” for Monday and “Partly Cloudy” for Tuesday, what’s the difference? You know there is one, and that it’s not just a matter of semantics, but it can sometimes be difficult to tell.
In the business world, I often encounter one of these couplings not only in label, but also in action. I’m talking about the difference between “Persuasion” and “Manipulation.” There’s sometimes a fine line between the two, and it’s one that leaders looking to guide a successful team must understand.
First, let’s admit that there’s self-interest in both. You need somebody to change a view or take an action towards a goal that somehow was not their original plan or belief. The difference between persuasion and manipulation is how you go about reaching those goals.
Persuasion is in the open. The goal is stated. There is nothing hidden about your agenda as you attempt to change what a person is doing or thinking. They are aware of your INTENTION.
Notice the emphasis on “intention.” When it comes to manipulation, one of your intentions is to not have the other person recognize you are trying to prompt change. Perhaps that comes with a bending of the truth. If the person catches on, you can simply issue an ultimatum. Manipulation comes without regard to ethics.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of manipulation. For those of us who have children, how many have used manipulation to get what we need in the moment? Many can cross from persuasion to manipulation without realizing it, and this is when things get sticky. So, what are you going to do as a leader to make sure you’re leading a team with ethical persuasion rather than underhanded manipulation?
Here are a few questions to ask yourself if you think you’re possibly moving from a place of persuasion to one of manipulation:
What are the emotions you’re appealing to in the person who you are trying to persuade?
Are you giving them a reason to positively anticipate what will come from a change, or are you forecasting a negative future, playing on their fears?
Are you clear about what you will gain as a result of a change? If the person you’re trying to persuade loses something, are you also clear about that? Do you both know what’s a win and what’s a loss?
Is your presentation for persuasion riddled with half-truths, fake statistics and a disregard for how it will affect the other person?
Does the other person have the opportunity to rebut or come to some compromise with the change you’re looking for, or are you holding a hardline stance on the outcome?
When the person you’re dealing with makes their ultimate decision to change or not, will they feel like it was their decision, or will they feel like they were coerced?
How will this person view you on a personal level after the change – based on the tact you took to create that change?
How do you feel? What is your gut telling you? If you’re not crystal clear it’s persuasion, but are trying to convince yourself your technique is persuasion, aren’t you just kind of manipulating yourself?
I’m not going to say there is never a time when an ultimatum has to be leveled and there are times when other actions have to be taken. Heck, Luke Skywalker led the rebels by constantly using the same kind of Jedi mind tricks employed by Darth Vader. Who was really the good guy or bad guy? Both were employing not-so-subtle manipulation.
Remember, it almost all comes down to intent. If you genuinely have the best of intentions, you’ll have less of a problem tripping up on persuasion vs. manipulation.
If you and your team need guidance to work through team dynamics and leadership nuances, consider investing in a coach or find a mentor who can give you strategies that work. If you are curious about working with me, let’s have a conversation. Contact us to schedule a complimentary consultation at http://maricarmenpizarro.com/contact-mari-carmen/
