If you are a leader, then you probably spend a good part of your time asking questions to get relevant information. Unfortunately, most of us are not skilled in asking questions for understanding as much as we are good at asking (or demanding) data in a rapid fire manner to get to the bottom line as quickly as possible so we can move on to the next issue. What may be lost in this never-ending cycle is the ability to communicate meaningfully and intentionally.
Promoting conversations that are productive means that there has to be a way of changing the discussion by examining the way we ask questions and, more importantly, the way we listen to the answers.
Asking questions is a part of life. When we ask questions, we allow the other person to open up and provide information, insight, explanation, and stories.
When we ask questions, we learn.
When you ask questions and then listen, you are telling the other person that you value their knowledge, opinions and humanity.
A study at Harvard Business School conducted by Alison Wood Brooks uncovered the fact that “People don’t ask enough questions. In fact, among the most common complaints people make after having a conversation, such as an interview, a first date, or a work meeting is ‘I wish [s/he] had asked me more questions’ and ‘I can’t believe [s/he] didn’t ask me any questions.”
I know you want to excel as a leader so here I share three behaviors that will help you develop deeper relationships while fostering an environment of trust when asking questions.
Explore rather than demand.
Leaders in the workplace often make their questions seem more like demands rather than a desire to understand. Become an explorer. Monitor your tone of voice and be patient so that you can get more golden nuggets of information in every interaction.
Actively listen to the answers.
Sometimes we do ask the right questions but due to our tight schedules and more obligations than time, we don’t stop long enough (think 5 seconds) to listen actively. In his classic work, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie encouraged his readers to “Ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.” He also highlighted, “Be a good listener.” So it’s not just asking the right questions that can be the game changer, but being interested enough to listen to the answers. After all, you were the one that started this whole question asking thing.
Don’t keep asking the same question if you already know what you want to hear.
Often we will ask a question with our answer already playing out in our minds. Take time to consider your reason for asking the question in the first place. The one being questioned will quickly pick up that you are more interested in judging than in listening to what they have to say.
Inspirational Leadership Tip: Remember to promote others to ask questions by offering them a listening ear and practice ending more sentences with a question mark than a period.
Do you have questions for me about how you can influence corporate culture’s conversations? I’m ready to listen. Contact me to schedule a conversation that could change the way you’ve been leading others here: http://maricarmenpizarro.com/contact-mari-carmen/
